Goodbye, China!

I'm having a literal case of insomnia right now. It's because of jet lag and just so many emotions. I'm having withdrawals from my isolated China life. Oh, and Dak Jean is distracting me with a famous game of transformers. I might just be up all night. After all, it is like 5 PM in Ningbo right now, so it kind of makes sense that my body wants to be up. And I may have slept until 1 PM today, so that could be part of the problem.

Jet lag really gets ya.

Wow. I can't even believe that I am back on American soil right now. Like, in my own bed, no one around me, a sweater on that I haven't worn in months, straightened hair. It's crazy. And the way I feel is indescribable. It's like I'm lost in a maze, a giant maze that you just can't find your way through. I feel happy, sad, anxious, antsy, depressed, lonely, excited -- all at the same time. Talk about mixed emotions. Literally. It's crazy to leave such an adventure behind. I didn't just leave China behind. I left behind my students (whom I may never ever see again), the culture, all of the memories, the traveling, the late nights, new best friends/China sisters, a home.

I've got a pantry full of food I have been dreaming about for four months and a washer and DRYER that I can now use, yet I'm not. Because somehow it just doesn't feel right, or maybe I'm just not ready. Not ready to move on quite yet.

Despite all of these mixed emotions, I would like to say how grateful I am. Despite all of these feelings, I feel so full, renewed and rejuvenated. It's like new life now burns from deep within. Everyone needs an escape from reality and I am so glad this was mine.

I have never lived my life to the fullest more than I did in China. I have never laughed so much (or peed my pants so much). I have never had my patience tried more than it was in China. I have no regrets. I did everything I wanted to do and I said yes to every experience that was offered to me - whether that was riding an elephant, or teaching 200 + students, or streaking in the school field, or sneaking into a fancy hotel to explore, or having dance parties in the shower. I know I often go into things and then come out of them feeling like I could have gotten more out of the experience or situation. Not this one. I wasn't going to feel that way. And I don't.

I have learned that service is one of the greatest love languages. AND you don't even have to know the same language as someone to love and serve them. I've learned to forgive faster and to cut people slack. I've learned that we can always try a little harder to be a little better. I've learned to look for the good in EVERY person and that it is always there if you look deep enough. I have learned to share. I have learned that sometimes it is better to listen than to be heard. I have learned to laugh more and to not be so serious. I've learned that sometimes you just have to wear your socks in the shower and DANCE. I've learned that we all need to be young before we grow up and that adventure is always out there waiting for us.

I'll always talk about this little adventure and everything I have learned from it. It will help me to be a better friend, sister, mom, and wife. I know memories will fade away and I'll have to go back to pictures, videos and my journal to remember them. But one thing I know won't fade -- and that is the feeling I had there. I was Made in China. My brother told me today as I showed him all of my videos from China that I just look so happy.

It's true. I've never been happier. 

airheads

Well, the day has come. Well actually it already came. It's practically over now. I taught my last classes today. Now I sit here wondering where on earth all the time went. I remember walking into my classes on the first day, nervous as ever to be teaching, on my own, without any direction. Now here I am, four months later, and I just walked out of those classes for the last time. Wow, that hurts to say it. Goodbyes are hard enough, and even harder when it is an actual goodbye. I don't think I will ever see these people again. We had to say goodbye a couple weeks ago to our Hungarian and English friends that we have had church with and that was really hard because we have all gotten so close. They became like family to us. Pretty soon I'm going to have to say goodbye to all of these amazing people that I am on this adventure with. Luckily that won't be a "goodbye" forever. But it's a goodbye to this adventure and all of the memories we have made here. That is so bitter-sweet.

I have truly and genuinely enjoyed every second of this adventure. Yes, there were hard times. But I think for the most part I have been able to live in the moment, to love easier, to cut people slack, to be more patient, to enjoy the now. I do not have one regret. I did everything that I wanted to do and I got out of this experience exactly what I was hoping for. It has been amazing and exactly what I needed at this time in my life. I will forever be grateful.

I've eaten about a bazillion airheads today and I've played too much jeopardy. I'm exhausted, but so full of love and gratitude. And I hope I'll always be Teacher Kenzie.