I have been meaning to get on here this past month, but everything has just been... a lot. I've been in a really weird place.
Let's just get to the point... WE'RE FINALLY PREGNANT! I still can't believe I get to say those words every day. It surprises me each time. I'll back up and talk about how everything has been this past month since finding out. It's been a whirlwind!
In the last post, I talked about the transfer and how that went. Then we had the dreaded two week wait... it feels like years, really. It was such a long wait. Luckily, we had my grandpa from Ohio in town staying at my parents', so that was a nice distraction. I was supposed to get my first blood draw done on July 21st, but I was sneaky and asked the nurse if I could come in early on July 19th, which was ten days past my transfer date. That's the earliest my clinic will do. I was excited to be able to do it two days earlier AND I decided not to tell Dan so it could be a surprise on Monday.
Well, a few days before the blood draw, I got antsy and took a test. Haha. The first test I took was six days past transfer, so July 15th. I woke up super early and took my cup of pee out to the back patio. Dan was watching T.V. on the couch. I figured I'd take the test out there while watering the flowers and Dan would have no idea. I was SO nervous. I was not expecting it to be positive because it was so early. I dipped the pregnancy test in the urine and then watered my flowers. I was shaking so bad and I just kept thinking to myself, "I just NEED this to be positive. Please let it be positive." Sure enough, I walked back over to the test and there it was!!... a light, but VERY obvious positive. Holy cow. I sat there in shock, just whispering to myself and Tilly that I was pregnant. Then I realized, how the heck will I keep this a secret until MONDAY? I'll post the picture of my first test here. I was really excited because I could tell the line was darker than it was for our last transfer AND I tested a day earlier this time.
It was crazy because right after I found out that morning, I headed to the gym to walk on the treadmill and this song immediately played in the car. Crazy, right?!
I immediately was like, I can't keep this secret to myself until Monday. Who can I tell?? I ended up texting Allie and she was so excited. She became my person who I talked to every day. I continued testing until Monday to make sure the line was getting darker. It was slow and steady, but it was getting darker!! So different from last time when it was just getting lighter. During this time, Dan kept asking me how I was feeling and I just kept saying I was feeling symptoms and feeling really good about things. At this point, I was having a hard time sleeping, having some weird dreams, sore boobs, and some slight cramping.
On Saturday at a baby shower, my mom and sisters were asking me how I was feeling. I didn't want to tell them like that, but they could tell I was acting weird and kind of had a clue that day. That weekend felt like forever!! I could NOT wait to tell Dan.
Finally, Monday rolled around. I woke up and took yet another test and I also took one of the classic Clearblue ones that say "pregnant" or "not pregnant". I have surprisingly never taken one of these because they've always been such a trigger for me, but I already knew, so I figured it was safe. Isn't that an amazing sight? Also, notice how dark my lines got over the few days.
Then, I went to the clinic for the blood draw. It usually takes a few hours for results, so I packed my morning full while I waited. Dan headed to work.
I went and walked on the treadmill at the gym and then I got ready and went to Target and Chickfila with Natalie and Jennie. I told them when I got to Target and they were so excited. They both started crying in Target. It was adorable. I loved being with them that morning so I wasn't as anxious. It was also fun to be with them when I got the results. I got the results when we were in the parking lot at Target.
That's when I got the best news ever... not only did I get confirmation that I was pregnant, my beta numbers were through the roof!!! 451 was my starting number for my HCG, which is really high, especially since I had tested two days early too. The nurse called me and talked about how the numbers looked so high. We potentially thought it could even be twins!! She told me to get my 8 week ultrasound scheduled with my OB, to come back in to the fertility clinic at 6 weeks for an early ultrasound, and that my due date would be March 27! Pretty crazy. Dr. Verrilli also sent me this message that I thought was really cute.
It was so fun spending the morning with Nat and Jennie and getting to celebrate. Then, it was finally time to head home and tell Dan. I could hardly wait.
Around 2:00, I told Dan I was making some lunch and that he should come home early to have some. I didn't know exactly when he'd show up, so I kept watching out the window. Finally he got home. I turned the video on my phone to record and he walked in. I asked him to come check the oven because it didn't seem to be heating up like normal. He walked over and checked the knob and was like, "It looks fine!" I told him to look inside. In the oven, I had a hamburger bun. He saw it and immediately knew what it was. Haha. Then I told him to open up the bun. This is what I had inside. He had no idea I had gone to the doctor that morning.
He was so in shock that I had gone in already! It was such a surreal moment getting to FINALLY be excited together after some amazing news. It was the best day! Everyone was anticipating an update, so we couldn't surprise everyone like we wanted to. But I facetimed Tay, Madi, and Kale and told them. They were so excited!
I had gotten these mugs after our other transfer when I was feeling really hopeful, but I had to put them away when things went south. It was so cool to finally be able to pull them out and be excited. The socks Dan is wearing I have had for over a year waiting for this day. It was so crazy getting to finally pull them out. Don't let Dan's face fool you, he's so excited.
That night, we got some dinner from Costco and told the family to go over to mom and dad's. We didn't do anything crazy as they were all kind of expecting the news. Dan just wore his dad socks and we waited for someone to notice.
Then we decided to book a flight for the next morning to go surprise Dan's family in Cali. We were only there for a night, so it was a long day of going around telling everyone. We bought a bunch of Prego sauce jars and started off with his Grandma Jan. We put the sauce on her porch, rang the doorbell, and hid behind their van. When she opened the door, she was like, "Hello!" and we came running out. Dan had to kind of give her some clues about the Prego because she didn't get it at first, but then when she did, she was so excited. We had a nice visit with them that morning.
We headed to Dan's parents next. We got caught on the camera there and our doorbell thing didn't work. They came out and saw Dan holding the sauce. His dad caught on first and then his mom figured it out. They were more just confused at why we were in their front yard! Haha. It was nice getting to visit with them. Then Ashley got home from work and we put the sauce outside for her to see it on her way in. She walked in with the sauce and we were standing there. She started screaming. Her reaction was the best.
We went and told Sarah and Nic next. That one didn't go so well because Nic was trying to get Sarah to come home from work so we could surprise her, but she kept working later and later. When she finally got home, she saw the sauce as she walked in the garage door. Then we were out back. We came running from the backyard once she was inside. She was so surprised and so confused at first. Haha! Then she finally figured it out. The next morning, we went and told Dan's cousin Melissa and his Grandma Joyce. They were together. His grandma thought we were saying we wanted to go to dinner. Hahahah. They were so cute. Melissa was so excited!! On our way back to the airport, we stopped and told his other cousin Katie. It was a quick trip, but great to see everyone! I was feeling SO exhausted by the end of it.
I got my second blood draw on Thursday morning and everything looked amazing. My HCG had gone up to 1,502. It's supposed to double every 48 hours, so this was amazing!! Since then, we've told some more people like Danny and Alex, Jeff and Cherie, and some more of our friends. It's been amazing to share the news with everyone.
The next couple of weeks after telling people were really hard to say the least. I was SO in my head and every little thing would worry me. There were a couple of days in there where I had some spotting. I was also having this weird slight cramping that was on my left side way more. This *can* be a sign of ectopic, so I was freaked out!! I spent so much time on discussion forums online trying to figure out what was going on. I'd say those two weeks were far worse of a wait than the two week wait to finding out we were pregnant. Not only that, but my hormones were going crazy. I was starving all the time and SO SO moody. I don't feel like I ever really got excited because I was so full of fear.
FINALLY, after what felt like years, we had our first ultrasound. What an amazing day. We went in on August 3rd for our ultrasound. I was 6 weeks 2 days along. I was not sure what we'd see. I was so scared of something bad happening. But she stuck the ultrasound probe in and there was our baby, nice and clear. Holy cow. What a surreal moment. Then she let us hear the heartbeat and we both teared up. It was so special. We got lunch at Knickerbockers after and I had Dan just pick me something because the food aversions had begun. Nothing sounded good. I had to choke down my breakfast that morning.
Unfortunately, that night, we had the biggest scare. We had gone to Dan's hockey game and we were chatting with Tay and Kyle in the parking lot after. That's when I felt a few huge gushes. I knew that wasn't good. When we got in the car, I told Dan and he found a white towel in the car so we could see what color it was. Bright red. Ugh. I've never seen Dan drive so fast. I called Payt to ask her what she thought I should do because she had a bleeding scare when she was pregnant and had gone to the ER. She told me that the ER can't do much. They could do an ultrasound, but there's nothing they can do to stop a miscarriage. I ended up calling the on-call nurse. Once we got home, blood was just falling out of me, about teaspoon size into the toilet. I was on the phone with the nurse. She told me to stay calm and that 50% of the time, this can be normal. But to come in for an ultrasound the next morning. We spent the rest of the night googling and then went to bed. I could barely sleep that night. It was the worst feeling. I kept waking up hoping I was having a nightmare, but then realizing I wasn't.
We went in the next morning and... there was the baby! Just fine. They did find that I have a subchorionic hemorrhage. This is blood that is pooling around the gestational sac. I'll put a picture here.
You can see the dark surrounding the sac. That's all blood. My bleed is moderate. The doctor said they see this a lot in women who do IVF for some reason. I couldn't figure out how we went from everything being normal that morning, to this that same night. Maybe the vaginal ultrasound brought it on? Who knows. They told me that I'd continue to have spotting and to take it easy. We left for our family trip to Florida that night, so I took it really easy the whole trip. I continued having spotting and I even had some more bleeding a few days later. It wasn't nearly as bad as the first time though. Since then, it seems to be clearing up, which is really good. The hope is that the hemorrhage is being absorbed. Hopefully we won't see it at the next ultrasound at 10 weeks! I feel really at peace about it though.
So that's that! That's the update. It's been a wild ride. The past couple of weeks, I've been dealing with lots of nausea and the only food that sounds good is fried, unhealthy food. So Dan has been struggling to get me to eat healthy food. Not only that, but I've been SO tired and so moody. I feel a bit depressed even. It's like I haven't even been able to get that excited. It's like there's this dark gloomy cloud hanging over me. Hello, first trimester, I guess. Luckily, I'm 8 weeks tomorrow, so hopefully only 4ish more weeks of this and I'll feel better!!
We are so so grateful and still can't believe there's a little gummy bear growing inside of me right now. I think we're both still in shock about it.
Grow little baby, GROW!
