The Announcement

I can hardly believe we have made it to the point of being able to announce to everyone that we're pregnant. This milestone felt so far away, even after we found out the transfer was successful. But, here we are! It's been so fun to share it with EVERYONE. Last night, we found the most beautiful field of tiny flowers to snap some pictures. It felt so symbolic of our journey. We've walked such a long road and the flowers felt like the beautiful light at the end of a really really dark tunnel, that truthfully we didn't know would end. Pregnancy has brought on so much anxiety for me. I always thought I'd be walking on cloud nine the second I found out I was pregnant, but that has not been the case. Instead, I've been filled with fear of the unknown. The fear of having to get more bad news or having to give more bad news to the people we love. It's been so isolating and most days I've wanted to just lay on my couch after work. I think just after years of bad news after bad news, you just get used to it being your reality. Then you start to not ever expect good news. 

I'm finally starting to feel better. I'm finally starting to feel like I can get excited for this baby and celebrate the thing I've been yearning for, for so so long. My bump is starting to make an appearance, which makes it feel that much more real. Like an actual baby is growing inside of me. Our baby. 

Today I'm 13 weeks 3 days. Wow. I can't even believe it! I'm starting to get back some energy. I am starting to feel less nauseous (and I haven't thrown up for a whole week!). I'm starting to feel more like me again and less like a ball of anxiety. I'm starting to find joy in life again. I'm starting to feel excited again about things that haven't been exciting to me. I'm getting back to me and that feels so good. 

The best news is (and knock on wood), MY BLEEDING HAS SUBSIDED. I could not be happier about that. On the last ultrasound (around 11 weeks 4 days), the hemorrhage looked tiny, so.... I.think.it.might.be.gone.now. Like gone. I hope on the next ultrasound, it does not show its ugly face. 

I'm so grateful for Dan and his patience as I've gone through this rocky first trimester. He's been so good. It's been very hard on our relationship, but we've pushed through and that's what matters. I'm so happy that we can start getting excited and really enjoying every step of the way. We can't wait to meet our little bean.

I'll end with a couple of fun progress pics. Eight weeks to twelve weeks! Starting to bust out of the jeans now.