I am so... I don't even know. I should be writing an essay for english right now, or catching up on my math, or filling out my China paperwork, or scheduling a doctor's appointment, or saying my prayers, or visiting with my family, or reading The Fault In Our Stars, or GOING TO BED, or catching up on conference talks, or doing my laundry, or showering and shaving, or visiting my grandparents, or meal-prepping... but goodness sakes, I'm blogging because I need to get something off of my chest.
Something has been on my mind lately. It's counting down. It's the whole counting down journey that Mike and I are on. The other day or maybe that was a freaking month ago, I listened to this girl talk about her waiting experience. She said to stop counting down - it might go faster! She said to enjoy your time - it might be more worthwhile. I think I really took her advice more than probably anyone else did. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed because there are so many things that I need to do, so many things that I would like to do. Especially with this whole waiting thing. It's like I have to remember to put my sticker on each day, remember to tear a link off my chain every Wednesday, remember to fill in a heart on my wall each month, remember to take my monthly picture, remember to do my monthly blog post/countdown, remember to scrapbook our page each month, remember to print out all the emails for our book, remember to plan the next package, remember to email Mike each Sunday night, remember to stare at my countdown apps each day to see if they have budged.
To say the least, it's exhausting, overwhelming, and also, it's sad, it's hard, and it is devastating. Because days only move so fast and you can only count so many sheep at night. I realized something. I AM DONE. I am done with the bazillion countdowns. I am down with disappointing myself by how slow the time seems to slide. I am just done.
So I deleted my countdown app. I kept one and put it somewhere where I wouldn't really see it in my phone, just so I could check it every once in a while. I stopped putting stickers on my chart (and oh how exciting it is when I get to put 67 stickers on at one time). I stopped staring at my countdowns. Ya know, I like to celebrate month marks, year marks, etc. But day marks. No, you shouldn't. It's just torturous and deceiving. I'll still do my monthly blog post, my monthly scrapbook page, print the emails to save, rip links off my chain each week, and fill in the hearts on my wall. But I am sick of thinking about what day I am on every day. It inches by when you do that. Because hmmm... I wonder how many days it has been today. Well, ya know, maybe one day less than when you looked yesterday. Or ya know, you just checked an hour ago, so another day hasn't even gone by.
I am done. I love Mike. I am head over heals in love with him. I adore him. This has nothing to do with my feelings for him. But this time is about me too and I need to stop breaking my own heart with all of the different countdowns. I am doing this for my own sanity.
Wish me luck!
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