Sorry For The Blogging Hiatus

Okay, okay, I mean, it hasn't been that long since my last post. Just about a week and a half. But apparently it's been some time because Madi is getting antsy. She was getting sick of seeing my last post every time she blog-stalked me.

So this is at her request. And I guess I was also a little inspired by the ice cream that I bought today. It was ice cream that I hadn't had in probably two years. My mom and I used to always go on dates to Baskin Robins to get some daiquiri ice. Boy, is it good. And who knows why I have waited so long to get it again. So that's something.

There are things in life that are hard. We all go through hard things and it is hard in our own way. So a big fat ice cream cone flies in to save the day.

I think this post can be proof to you that my mind is elsewhere right now because I'm really suffering with writer's block. Better luck next time. Sorry, Madi.

Until then, I'll be eating ice cream. 

other humans will get you through

There are really good days, like the day I was feeling really happy and I snapped a picture of a patriotic popsicle. Optimism was my best friend that day. Those are the days when you feel on top of the world, like nothing can get you down. But then there are very bad days, days that shake you, days that make you really think. Today was a day where I thought several times, "I was so happy a couple weeks ago. If only I would have realized it then." That is something that Gretchin talks about in The Happiness Project and it has stuck with me. I do in fact, find myself saying that so much.

I'm bawling as I'm typing because my heart is so heavy. I had to be told some things that hurt. It was a really hard day. I haven't felt like this in a long time. In fact, I don't remember really ever feeling this. It's a new kind of hard day. I was on the brink of a melt down the entire day and I hated it. But I know that people are carrying me through days like this. I know my Heavenly Father is. I know my friends are. I know my family is. I got home after this hard day and in the mail I had a letter from my great grandpa in Ohio, with $50 and I also got a copy of my patriarchal blessing, which I have been waiting on patiently. Later, Madi and Ryan brought me the sweetest gift. I don't think you would be able to see any of my footprints in the sand right now because all of these people carried me today. I'm forever grateful for Madi especially and her kind advice. She understands me like no one else. I'm grateful for our friendship.

I don't know how I would get through days like today without such selfless people.

you

I think it's safe to say that I miss my best friend like crazy. When I think about warm summer night walks, I miss him. When I think about eating out, I miss him. When I think about swinging at the park or watching a movie or laughing on the porch, I miss him even more. I'm so proud of him and I know that we are doing the right thing, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss him with every speck of my soul. I just miss feeling whole, but good thing we are getting closer and closer to being together again. And then, then life will be everything I need. I am happy, don't get me wrong. There's just a part of me he took. But I'm getting by. 

I know I haven't written a year mark post and the fact that it's about been thirteen months now freaks me out cause I can already tell this second year is going to fly. Am I ready? Maybe I am, maybe not. Hopefully I'll get around to writing the post. I just feel like it needs to be spectacular. But by me thinking that is going to make it not get done. Ughh. I need to put that on my to-do list. But at least I've crossed something off of my dreadfully long list. I'll get on that. Don't worry. 

Think about writing Mike's "year mark" post. 

sunday, best day

I love Sundays. I always have. Today was an especially good one because I was able to get my patriarchal blessing. It was such an amazing experience and something I will hold so close to my heart throughout my life. I have been wanting to get it for a long time, so this day has been long-awaited and definitely anticipated. I am grateful that my mom went with me. We had a lot of fun with the Sunbeams today. Payt planned the lesson. Well, I forced her to since I was going to get my blessing and did not have time. She is the designated treat-giver since she says she is no good at lesson planning. We mostly laughed, played games, and took pictures today. And we talked about temples and families and made cute paper doll families. Oh, and ate licorice. What a good day.

off to the flag we go

The Haugen's put up a flag in the mountains by their home for the month of July. I showed my dad the video and our whole family became quite obsessed with it. My dad is very patriotic and has spread that throughout our home. We were determined to find the spot to hike up to the flag, so on Friday, my mom, Davis, Patty, and I all found it and hiked up there. I think we went the wrong way, but it was awesome regardless. We just took the hard way and Davis even fell down the mountain quite a ways. Thank goodness he is okay, that crazy kid. My mom, Patty, and I were all quite frightened with the rock climbing we had to do, so we did not make it as far. It was such a fun time, though.

Can you spot the flag?

I loved it so much that I went with my friends the next day, but only after we fought for cheap clothes at Plato's closet and spilled salads at Wendy's. We took a different route this time, expecting it to be easier. Nope, rock climbing again. But such a blast. We were very sweaty, but it was so fun.

I loved the flag and will probably go again one more time before they take it down.

fourth to remember

I just got a text from dad saying that he's been waiting for this post all day. He always keeps up with my blog. My dad is the best.

My little brother, Patty, wanted to sell poppers at the parade this year, so my sister, Jordan, and I went with him. It was really hot and we walked a lot. None of us had really eaten or drank much. We walked all the way down one side of the parade and then started back up the other so we could meet our family at the spot they were sitting. We still had a little less than a mile to go I believe. We were all really thirsty and we had been saying we wanted to buy a drink as soon as we saw a place. We finally were able to buy some gatorade and I told them that I needed to sit down and drink a little as I was feeling hot and nauseous. They held a sign over me for shade and I sat there for about five minutes until I felt okay to walk again. When I got up, we started walking, but right away, someone yelled out that they wanted poppers. Jordan and Patrick went over to the people as Payt and I stayed standing there waiting. I told Payt I felt like I was going to pass out and everything was spinning at that point. Payt put her arm around me and I laid my head on her shoulder and that's all I remember. Next thing I know I woke up and so many heads were above me. I guess I had completely collapsed on Payt and people came to lift me off of her. They lay me out on the hot gravel and I as kind of conscious at that point because I remember saying that it was hot. Jordan says he lifted me off the ground at that point and put me in a chair. That's when I remember puking up the red gatorade as some lady held my hair back. The next thing I know I am lying in shade by the Bear's Den as the lady rubbed my feet and hands with water. They put a wet shirt on my head and I started to come back fully. Payt says the cops lifted me up, with my head flopping around and that's how I got over by the Bear's Den. I guess I completely passed out twice and everything is a blur. They all wanted me to go to the ER, but I just decided to get checked out in the ambulance. That's when my mom and Jonathan got there and they helped me into the cop car, that took me to the ambulance. They checked all my vitals and everything looked okay. I guess I was just hyperventilating a little. I signed off to not go to the hospital and my mom helped me walk back to our spot. I then realized that I had peed sometime during that whole thing. Luckily, I had on really dark blue capris.

It was quite the day and I felt pretty weak for the rest of the day. I am really grateful though for the people who helped me -- all of the strangers who did not know me. And I'm grateful for my sister who was there to catch me. She even said that she wished that no one would have helped cause they could have just let me lie there on her until I came back conscious. She's used to this as she is hypoglycemic. There really are such good people in the world and I am so grateful for that. And I also know that I need to eat and drink more when I'm going to be walking around in the heat like that. Lol. It was some fourth of July!

We spent the rest of the day at the pool and then I went to Tay's party later. Today has been hard and weird and I have just been sad for several reasons, feeling a little heartbroken. I want to turn my phone off for the rest of the day, get some things done, and spend time with my family.