teaching -- about the harder things

I think sometimes we make things out to be better than they really are. I think that is a big problem with social media. We all make our life out to be perfect. Or that's the way we want people to see it. Sometimes I think it's important that we also talk about the harder things, the struggles. 

I am going to school to become an elementary teacher. I have wanted to be a teacher for as long as I can remember -- always forcing my siblings to be my students so I could play teacher. I loved it. And something Gretchin Rubin says in her Happiness Project book is that often times the things we find truly fun are the things we enjoyed as a child. This is something I enjoyed. I have my Associate's degree and I will begin my Bachelor's program when I return from China. 

I'm stoked. 

But that doesn't mean that I have doubts. I have doubts that I will be a good teacher, I have doubts that I will be liked by my students, doubts that I will adore my job. Coming to China, I hoped to be able to get a small glimpse of what teaching would be like. And I have. Some days are hard. I'm going to be honest. Some days I want to throw the towel in and start crying. Sometimes my students will not listen, they won't stop speaking in Chinese, won't stop running around and throwing things and doing homework. I just want to give up. And then it causes me to wonder if I am doing the right thing with my career choice. 

But then there are days like yesterday. 

Days where I feel so loved and wanted and welcome. Days where the students listen and speak English and actually learn. And have fun -- that, too. 

And then I realize that it's all about my attitude. That the students perform better when I perform better. When I take time to plan exciting lessons, when I explain myself clearly. I put myself in their shoes and learning a foreign language is so tedious, especially at their young age. So I have to give myself credit for my best effort that I am giving. I don't know if I could teach English as a career. It's hard. Really really hard. But I love the experience. It has truly taught me so much and the students are like my babies. I don't know how I will leave them.

I think the most important thing I have learned so far is that not every day is going to go perfectly. And it would be boring that way anyway. 

XO Teacha Kenzie