IVF: Transfer Day!

What. a. day. 

I'm finally coming down off the high of everything today was. It's like we've been in this really long dark tunnel for a while and we are finally arriving at the end full of light. That's what today felt like, a breath of fresh air and a lot of hope. I really want to remember every moment of it, so I'm hopping on here to get it all out while it's still fresh. 

I'll start from the beginning. 

We woke up around 7:30 and got ready to go. I had an acupuncture appointment right before our transfer, so Dan dropped me off and got some coffee. It was so nice to just relax before and take the edge off. So many thoughts were going through my head... how would the transfer go? Would we have any embryos? Would they be graded well? Would I be able to time my full bladder so I wasn't holding it forever? All the thoughts. After acupuncture, we drove straight up to the U and got right to it. I went pee right when I got there (rebellious, I know) and then just started taking small sips. I know that my bladder fills up in an instant, so I knew I'd have no problem filling it back up. They got us right back to the transfer room where they had left me some "good luck" socks! So cute. I got undressed from the waist down and Dr. Verrilli came in. I knew it was time to hear about our embryos... I was more nervous than ever. As she talked about all these different numbers, I couldn't even listen and was just scrolling the page for a number that could be for our embryos. She finally got to it at the end and this is where I had the biggest relief of the whole day! We had four great embryos, plus two more they think could possibly grow to a blastocyst by either Friday or Saturday! Crazy, right?! I was expecting 3-4 tops, worried it would be less. But we're looking at possibly 5-6, for sure 4! It was the biggest relief for both of us. The top-graded one (4AA - literally perfect) was the one we transferred today. She showed us the picture, which was so freaking cool.

She asked me the last time I had peed and I said, "Ummmm like five minutes ago!" I assured her my bladder would be full in the next couple of minutes and it sure was. Dr. Verrilli told me that during the transfer I would hear her and Dr. Peterson discussing technique, but that it wasn't anything to worry about and nothing was wrong. Evelyn (the ultrasound tech. who has done a lot of my ultrasounds) did the abdominal ultrasound while the doctors got right to work. I was immediately feeling the pressure of my full bladder as she was pressing the ultrasound probe against me. I already knew it was going to be rough. They put in the metal clamp and started to thread the catheter through. They pulled it back out and tried again. All this time, I'm hearing low talking from them, which worried me. They tried a couple more times and at this point, I was getting so uncomfortable I started crying. Dan was squeezing my hand the entire time. Between the clamp, the catheter, and the probe against me, I thought I was going to die. Finally, Dr. Peterson said he wanted to lengthen my cervix (what?!) so they could get it in. I guess once you get past my cervix there is a 90-degree angle that has to be made to get to the uterus (is anything normal about my body?) Finally, after what felt like a million tries, we saw the catheter pop through on the ultrasound screen. I think everyone in the room was very relieved. Evelyn told us to watch the T.V. screen and the embryologist put my name on the screen and then our little embryo. Evelyn said, "There it is!" and I immediately teared up. We confirmed it and he came in with it in the tip of a separate catheter. Basically, they put the catheter holding the embryo right through the other catheter that was already placed and slip it right in! It went in so easily and we saw the slightest flicker as it arrived in the uterus. They took a picture. If you look closely, you can see the mouse pointing to where it went. The giant black hole-looking thing on the top.... yeah, that's my very very full bladder. The black hole to the right is my uterus with the lining in the middle. My cervix is below that. Pretty crazy! It was such a special moment. Then I needed to get to the bathroom. Luckily, I could stand up right after. They told me that the embryo won't fall out (haha). It's basically like this little buddy stuck between peanut butter. Pretty cool to think about. I know that definitely eases my mind. Haha! That was the best pee of my life afterward. 

We decided to grab breakfast at The Coffee Shop in Little America. It was so nice to just sit and enjoy breakfast after all the craziness after the past couple of weeks. Felt very celebratory.

We came home for a little bit and I head right back to my second acupuncture. There's a lot of studies that have been done with doing acupuncture before and after transfer. I guess it increases the success rate. So it made me feel good to do that. She put these sticky tacks in my ears today, basically small needles with sticky tape so they stay in. She pushed them in different points in my ears. It helps a lot with calming the nervous system. There were certain places she put them on my ears to help balance hormones and calm the uterus. She had me keep them in all day. You can kind of see one in the top of my ear here. It's weird because I actually felt an immediate release of built-up stress when she placed them. 

We've just been home the rest of the day. I've been trying to eat all of the healthy foods that aid in implantation - pineapple core, brazil nuts, pom juice, warm soups, lentils, you name it. Dan made us a nice salmon dinner tonight too. We have absolutely been showered with love today. So many texts, Marco Polos, and visitors. We feel the love and support! Dan also surprised me with about a million bouquets spread around the house and some yummy teas when I got back from acupuncture. He sure is a sweetie. Here are all of the flowers strewn about it. 

I got the sweetest surprise visit from Nat, Zeann, and Hazel during the day. They brought me some yummy treats and flowers. It was nice to hang out for a bit! I'm so grateful for sweet Natalie and all of the support she has given me. 

Then, Madi and Kale stopped by to hang out later after Dan and I took a nap (a very great one too!). It was so good to see them and just chat! Madi surprised me with the sweetest little baby outfit that I'm absolutely obsessed with. Can't wait to put it on our little babe. Then, Payt, Ash, and Jord showed up to see us and brought me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers. 

We really got lucky with some of the best family and friends. I love them all so much. 

What a day! Can't believe it finally came and now it's almost gone. It's one I'll never forget. It's so crazy to think that this morning our embryo was at the lab and now it's with me. Feels so special that I get to be the one to carry it and take care of it. This is a day that I'll never forget. We've made it so far. 

Here's to the grueling two-week wait. Stick little embaby, stick! 

IVF: stims, retrieval, and transfer prep

Well, here I am... the day before my transfer. I can hardly believe how fast this day got here. It's crazy because every day feels like 100 years on its own, but it feels like just yesterday I was starting stims (shots) again for our second try after getting Covid. I think I'll kind of break this up into sections to help my brain. 

STIMS

We started off with stims on March 3rd, the day after my birthday. There's not much to report there. My body did really well. I was taking Gonal-F and Menopur for the first five days. Then I went in on day five for my first ultrasound. Things looked great. They were counting tons of follicles, about nineteen I'm pretty sure. We felt very hopeful with that number! We started Cetrotide the next morning (this prevents you from ovulating). So from that point, I was doing the two evening shots and the one morning shot. 

This is Dan's "smile"

Dan had to leave me on Tuesday (day 7 into stims) for a work trip to Idaho with the CBX guys, so I was left to fend for myself. The first night, mom helped me. We were both pretty nervous since Dan has been doing all of them. But, it went well! The next morning before my day 8 ultrasound, I had to get real brave (what choice did I have?) and I gave myself my morning shot. What?! It wasn't bad at all! It was actually better. I began to realize it was much easier to do my own shots... made it so I could control the speed it was going in. That morning I went to my ultrasound and it went really well! I was happy to report to Dan that there were 11 follicles that were looking really good. That means that they were growing at a steady rate. That was kind of the prediction for how many they'd retrieve. They had me come in again the next morning and things were progressing! Can you believe those little follicles can grow up about 2 mm a day?? They decided I was ready to trigger that night (2 shots to make me ovulate) and come in for retrieval on Saturday. Perfect timing with Dan coming home. I can't believe how fast we got to that point! 

The trigger shot... what an experience. Madi had come to stay with me Wednesday night and Thursday night to keep me company and give me moral support. Natalie also came to hang out with us Wednesday and Tay and Jennie were coming Thursday. The plan was for Tay to do the one trigger shot that had to go in my butt. Well, I got my trigger shot time and it was going to be 6:30 pm that night! Tay couldn't make it until 7:30, so I knew I needed a new plan. My mom offered, but I ended up asking Jennie because I knew she was coming over anyway. She said she was comfortable and that she'd be there before 6:30. I started getting Madi sucked into The Affair while we waited... 6:10 rolled around. I figured we better get the shots mixed up and ready to go. I was getting anxious and so was Madi. As I was mixing the shots, Madi called Jennie and we found out that Ozzy (her pup) had run and she had been chasing him and that's why she was running late. We all quickly realized she might not make it by 6:30 and that's when the panic set in for Madi and me.... Madi would have to do the shot. She was freaking out because of how big the needle was and I was freaking out because she was freaking out! Not a good combination. I started showing Madi the video for the shot and preparing her. At 6:27 I gave myself the first trigger in the belly. Then it was go time for Madi. I could tell it was taking everything in her to remain calm for me, meanwhile pacing the house looking for Jennie out the window. Right before Madi was about to do it, Jennie showed up at about 6:35 and came running in. She said she would do it, so I laid on the bed and kept sitting up remembering things that we needed to tell Jennie. It was pretty funny. Then she did it. I was like, "What's happening?" and she said we were done?! All of that hype and I literally couldn't feel it? I can't believe it. We relived that story all night and laughed our butts off. Then we told Tay when she got there and laughed our butts off again. It was quite the experience. Then we were all stressed we had done it 8 minutes late! Haha! 

This was after the shot... we were running around like chickens with our heads cut off before! haha

Then we got a delivery from "Dixie Normous".... bet you can't guess who did that? Mr. out of town for the trigger shot. Tay, Madi, Jennie and I had a fun rest of the night going to Nacho daddy, reminiscing on the incident from early, and chatting. Tay stayed over with Madi and me. It was so fun to feel like old times! 

Dan got home the next day just in time for the retrieval on Saturday. 

RETRIEVAL

I had to stop eating at 10 pm on Friday. We woke up bright and early at 5:00 am. We got ready and I did some scripting and meditating before the procedure. It all went very well! We got there and they got my I.V. going right away. That made me really nervous for some reason. After that, there was lots of signing and doctors coming in and out to talk to us. Then it was time for me to go back to the surgery room and Dan to go... ya know, do his thing. They had me lie down on this super low bed and put my legs up over these stirrups. I was feeling quite vulnerable with all of the doctors surrounding me. Then the anesthesiologist said he was put in my meds to make me fall asleep. I asked him how long it would be and he said about 30 seconds... he wasn't wrong. I immediately got fuzzy and I remember the nurse saying she was raising the bed and then I was gone. I woke up back in the chair I started in... not sure how I got there. They gave me some crackers and a juice box, the best part and then Dan reappeared and told me they retrieved 13 eggs! Amazing! We rested there for a bit and then they wheeled me out to the car. 

Allie sent me the yummiest cookies while I rested. She's the best!

The rest of the day was spent relaxing on the couch. Mom and dad brought us Zao and Tony Burger for lunch and we visited with them. Then, Payt, Ash, Jord, and Kai all stopped by later to hang out, which was really fun. We watched lots of Youtube videos to show what was happening with our embryos. Then, it was the waiting game to hear about the embryos...

WAITING, WAITING, WAITING...

Well, I finally got the call on Monday about our embryos. So we had started out with 13. Only 11 of them were actually mature (big enough to progress). So they fertilized those 11 and then when they checked them Monday, 7 of them had successfully fertilized and started dividing. This is a good thing. They want them to continue dividing each day so that they can reach the blastocyst stage. That's the goal. I asked the embryologist on the phone how many we could expect to make it to that stage and he said about half. So that puts us at 3-4. Hopefully. Could be MORE, and also could be less. We're hoping for more! They'll also grade them and we'll be using the highest graded one first. Here's a picture of what they should be doing and the end goal. 

So that was the last I heard, about the 7 that had successfully fertilized. Then it has been a complete waiting game since then. It has been rough. I have to say, Monday was hard. I was a little disappointed only 7 fertilized. I was hoping for more, because I knew there would be another drop-off after that. However, our amount of our eggs that fertilized is right around average. I was just being optimistic! Haha. We obviously want to have a good amount of extra ones if we need to do IVF again for other kids, but 3-4 doesn't leave us with a lot. Also, there could be some in there in our batch of blastocysts that won't make it to a live birth. So in the last couple days I've had to come to terms with the fact that we may have to start from scratch in a couple years and do another retrieval. And that's going to have to be okay. OR maybe we'll get lucky and magically get pregnant on our own after the first. It was also hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that we wouldn't get another update until our transfer. WHAT? That came by surprise to me. I thought I'd be updated daily, but I guess they want to disturb them the least amount possible. 

So that's what brings us to now. It's just been a lot of anxiety and waiting the last few days, but here we are. The transfer is tomorrow at 9:30 am! I'll be doing acupuncture right before and then I'll go again at noon. There's a lot of science behind doing it before and after and it increasing the chances of IVF success. I'll continue to do acupuncture to assist in implantation and then just a healthy pregnancy. 

I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off today trying to keep busy - making lentil soup, acupuncture, yoga, cleaning, getting stuff ready for my students since I'll be gone tomorrow, walking Tilly, etc. 

Apparently, lentil soup is a great aid in implantation! So I'll be eating this all weekend. 

Grow little embabies, grow!!!! Here we go. Ready or not, here comes the transfer! 

CANCELED

Gosh, it's taken me a couple weeks to come to terms with the fact that our IVF cycle was canceled. 

We have not exactly been safe this year with Covid. We've spent time with family and friends all year and traveled quite a bit. But somehow we got Covid at the most inconvenient and random time when we were actually being MORE CAREFUL. Boy, does life like to throw curve balls. 

On Sunday, February 7th (our fourth day of STIMS), I felt awful. I had the worst body aches and chills all day. So I spent most of my time in bed. I had asked on my infertility page and several people had told me their body reacted the same way to the STIMS, so I thought nothing of it. At my ultrasound the next morning, the doctors thought it might be a good idea to get a Covid test just in case, but even they didn't think that I had it. Well, that night, I got a message in MyChart. Opening it up, not thinking I'd be positive, I read "detected". I couldn't believe my eyes. I felt so much anger. Because this meant that IVF would have to stop RIGHT THEN. I was pretty upset and emotional that night. My doctor called and we talked about next steps. We decided that I would start birth control that night and try to start up again in 3 weeks (so around March 1st). 

Covid wrecked me. I couldn't work for a whole week from all of the symptoms. Dan started having symptoms about three days after me, but never got quite as bad as I did. We both lost our taste and smell. I had a bad cough, sore throat, and I was lethargic. Dan mostly had congestion in the head. So we pretty much spent the entire week not working, camped out on the mattress in the living room, watching The Affair. We ordered so much food that we couldn't even taste.

Although this was not the plan and it was pretty devastating for us, we've tried to look at the positives. We will now feel a lot safer with having immunity. That way, I don't have to be stressed about getting Covid this next IVF cycle and in early pregnancy. Maybe this next cycle will be even better? Maybe I'll get even more follicles?? (We started off with 14 follicles last time, which was amazing!) We've been shown so much love and support throughout this last rough week. Thank you to everyone who sent a sweet text, called us, or left us something yummy or thoughtful. It meant the world and made a really crappy week a little better. 

I still feel pretty tired all the time, so I'm hoping to get my energy and motivation back sometime soon! Ugh! But each day I feel better and better. Now we'll re-order all the meds that we already used (over $2,000, yuck!) and get back on the wagon! Just a couple more weeks. 

I'll drop some pictures from this past week here. 

Dan trying to decide if he can taste or not! 

Dan got me these sour dough stencils that he had cut out himself and the sweetest card on Valentine's Day! We are going to celebrate again this coming week since this Valentine's Day royally sucked! 

We ordered this yummy cake from Jolene's sister! Too bad we couldn't really taste it. It was beautiful! 

Madi and Tay entertained me on Facetime one night when I was going crazy! 

Back before good ol' Covid hit and everything was running quite smoothly! This was our nightly routine. 

phase 1: the hustle and the prep

Welp. Here we are - day 1 of IVF. It's official! 

I wanted to give a little update on what these last few weeks have looked like. The doctor told us it was hustle time a couple weeks ago and boy was she right.

The past couple of weeks have consisted of an MRI for me, a sperm sample for Dan (that will be frozen for backup), playing games with insurance trying to get them to cover some of the meds, making some huge payments (you have to pay in full before starting), ordering meds, being overwhelmed by meds, rearranging our schedules, Covid tests, acupuncture and foot zoning for me, a blood test for me, so much researching, lots of manifesting, lots of panic, and lots of second-guessing. Are we doing the right thing? 

But, WE MADE IT! Here we are, IVF day one. I can't believe it. January flew by in the blink of an eye and I have a feeling this month will too. 

Today was our baseline ultrasound - cycle day 3. We woke up bright and early for our 7:30 am appointment. They wanted to make sure everything was "quiet". They check for cysts on the ovaries and any other issues with an ultrasound. Everything looked great! They even counted 14 follicles in my ovary!!! Side note: it has been confirmed that I indeed only have one ovary (which means my kidney COULD be missing too, WHAT? Ultrasound to come on that soon). Crazy, right?! I also have low AMH, meaning my egg reserve is a smaller quantity for my age. This has scared me. However, because of my age, they should be really good quality. So, they were all shocked when they counted 14 follicles. This number kind of sheds a little light on how many eggs might be retrieved. So it could be more or less than 14. It just depends on how I react to the meds (which I'm on the highest doses due to low AMH). 

After the ultrasound, we sat in the office with our nurse, Denise. She'll work with us the whole time alongside Dr. Verrilli. We love them both! She answered our questions about injections and all the things. We also went over our calendar for everything. 

So, here we go. Stimulation shots start tonight! Eeek. I'm so nervous for Dan to stab me. We are going to quarantine until next Thursday (my last Covid test), so we don't risk getting Covid. Covid would cancel the entire cycle and we'd lose all the money from the meds already taken. So we are laying low for a bit. So today I got some new books to keep me occupied through all of this. I also got some foods that are recommended for IVF - a lot of antioxidants. I picked up some dried fruit also to hold over my sweet tooth while I lay low on the sugar. 

We're excited and nervous, but so so glad it's finally here! Can't wait for our good news at the end of the month! Will we transfer one or two?!

The day I received this giant box of meds on my doorstep was very overwhelming, to say the least. I am not one to enjoy putting things in my body. I refuse to even take ibuprofen unless I'm dying. So this was a lot and a hard hard day. BUT things are looking up and I'm feeling better about it. It will all be worth it. 

I'll update soon on how this week goes with stims and ultrasounds and blood draws! I'll go in Monday for my first follicle check and blood draw. 

We can do this!! 

Happy Birthday, POPS! The big 5-0!

My dad turned 50 this week. Like what? I can't even believe it. He still seems like he's 35 to me. It's crazy. Seems like yesterday he was crawling around carrying me with my sleeper in his teeth as baby Simba. Thanks to Covid, we had to do a smaller surprise birthday party. Of course, he knew we'd all spend his birthday with him, so that wasn't really a surprise. But he had no idea what we had in store. 

Mom took him to some fish stores while all of us kids and gramps got everything decorated! It was pure hustle, but so much fun. We went with an old person theme and had old people snacks, drinks, and even dressed up as old people. It was pretty funny, especially Dan's outfit. Dad was pretty surprised when they got there! 

We spent the night eating taco soup, playing bingo, hitting the pinata, playing pin the readers on the old fart, and eating LOTS of snacks and cake and banana splits. Wow, we like to eat! Haha. We had the best time! Happy birthday, dad! 

the calm before the storm - CABO!

We've got a big month coming up ahead of us, so it was amazing to be able to get away and take our minds off of things. Cabo was a little oasis for us to relax and just be carefree. Dan's grandma has a timeshare, which we are lucky enough to be able to use! When our Kauai trip got canceled because of Covid, Sarah and Nic invited us to come along with them to Cabo! We are so glad we took them up on their offer. 

We had so much fun relaxing by the pool (which is where we spent about half of our time haha). I got to finish my book and take naps and it was glorious. We also got to do jet skis, massages in a hut on the beach, and eat LOTS of yummy food. It was pretty funny - while getting our massages, I could feel her start to untangle my hair with some oil. The next thing I knew, she was braiding it. Everyone laughed when I stood up with a braid in my hair! Haha! 

Thank goodness for Sarah (who should probably just move to Cabo). She showed us around everywhere, knew all of the great places to eat, and argued with all the peddlers on the beach trying to rip us off! 

This is when Dan tipped us over on the jet ski and I thought I was being attacked by a shark...

On the last night, we went to a rooftop bar at a resort and it was BEAUTIFUL! Glass walls, the view of waves crashing below us, the stars, the lights from the city - it was all amazing. We had some of the yummiest drinks and appetizers and spent way too much money there. But it was so fun chatting and dancing the night away! Sarah and Nic might get married there this year! 

I'm definitely missing warm weather and endless Pina Coladas! We will be back soon, Cabo!