Too Blessed To Cry

Struggle is what I have been all too familiar with lately. There have been several things that have been bringing me down and not letting me be my happiest. I have been trying to look past those things and move on. I guess I have just felt alone and uncared for. I have felt all of the stresses of the world. There's always so much going on. But then it's times like when your two good friends show up knocking on your door with a conference talk, some chocolate, a prayer to say, and some good laughs that you realize you are too blessed to cry. It's weird how something completely out of the blue will happen right at the time you need it the most. Maybe my prayers were answered. I have such a wonderful life and I do realize that. Just have to pick myself up and get out of this rut somehow. I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

mondays are always so glorious

I usually hated Mondays, but then it became the only day that I got to talk to M. It then turned into the best day of the week. Yes, it's back to work and school so it's somewhat bitter-sweet. But then again, I don't mind the week days. I am busy and I like it that way. I also just feel refreshed because I am just getting done with the weekend that consisted of lots of sleep, movies, homework, friends, shopping, laundry, etc. So, in a way, I'm ready to get back to the grind.

The email from Mike today was wonderful. I guess it usually is, but some are even better than others. I had a really good week and so did he, so we were both our pleasant selves. There have been some things going on with me and my faith, some people know about that. But I love what Mike said to me this week. "Kenz, know that I will always be patient with you and will always be willing to help you with anything. I won't force anything upon you, that is not the right way to do things. If you really love somebody, you will work on things with them that you or I struggle with until they become better. You won't give up and leave if they don't change the way you want them to be exactly. We aren't perfect and we have different desires, wants, and needs that need to be fulfilled. We need to work together and compromise so each of us has all those things met. That is how we will be able to have a long happy life." He is the greatest person I know. And he gets me like no one else.

"Sometimes you meet someone, and it's so clear that the two of you, on some level, belong together. As loves, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you understand one another, or you're in love, or partners in crime. You meet these people throughout your life, out of no where, under the strangest circumstances, and they help you feel alive. I don't know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but it definitely makes me believe in something."

A New Friend

There is a project that I am going to be involved in with this girl named Klare. It's going to be a documentary of some missionary girlfriends. She wanted to skype so that we could meet face-to-face since she is in Cali. I was kind of nervous meeting someone new and skyping with her! I guess I thought it might be a little bit weird. Ya know? But it was the complete opposite. It was wonderful talking to her and I have never opened up to someone so quick. Right now, she would like to record our skype call and then she is going to get with her editor to see how they will make all of this come together. If all works out, she will be coming from California to film me, my family, Mike's family, and our friends. It is awesome and I am so excited to see what happens with this.

I'll keep my blog updated about it. Here's to meeting new people and maybe being in a documentary!

Deux Cents

I was just reading over my post from when we hit 100 days and now we have hit 200 days! That's so crazy. Time really is going by fast. Mike says time is going by really fast for him. It might not be as fast for me, but it's definitely not inching by like I pictured it to. Besides, I am starting to try to enjoy this rather than endure. I have been able to explore myself and kind of do some soul searching on my own. This is the time for both of us to grow while being away from each other so that we can be even better for one another. I guess I am finally okay with it. I am okay with the fact that we are doing this. We are both learning so much. I can't wait to see where life takes us when he returns.

I loved what Mike said the other day and it really tugged at my heart strings. He said, "I can't believe I have found someone like you. I have never worried about you leaving me. Especially out here. Not once has it crossed my mind. I just know that we will always be together. It's just that simple. We will always love each other. No matter what." 

Oh, how I love him! I think anyone can see that and one might say I'm obsessed. I guess I am. I guess that's what happens when you're in love. And I don't think anyone can imagine how it is going to feel. I had no idea it could feel like this. 

I get to kiss him sooner and sooner each day! Each day I get through is a day closer to him. That makes me so excited. 

And I will end with this. I am in love with this song. I have always liked it, but it has never hit so close to home for me. I am considering it for our wedding song, only if he approves. LOL. I would like to share the lyrics. 

I've been down

Now I'm blessed

I felt a revelation coming around

I guess its right, it's so amazing

Everytime I see you I'm alive

You're all I've got

You lift me up

The sun and the moonlight

All my dreams are in your eyes

I wanna be inside your heaven

Take me to the place you cry from

Where the storm blows your way

I wanna be the earth that holds you

Every bit of air you're breathin' in

A soothin' wind

I wanna be inside your heaven

When we touch, when we love

The stars light up

The wrong becomes undone

Naturally, my soul surrenders

The sun and the moonlight

All my dreams are in your eyes

And I wanna be inside your heaven

Take me to the place you cry from

Where the storm blows you away

And I wanna be the earth that holds you

Every bit of air you're breathing in

A soothing wind

I wanna be inside your heaven

When minutes turn to days and years

If mountains fall, I'll still be here

Holdin you until the day I die

And I wanna be inside your heaven

Take me to the place you cry from

Where the storm blows you away

I wanna be inside your heaven

Take me to the place you cry from

Where the storm blows you away

I wanna be the earth that holds you

Every bit of air you're breathin' in

A soothin' wind

I wanna be inside your heaven

Oh yes I do

I wanna be inside your heaven

A Time To Reflect

I think just about everyone and their dog is reflecting on 2013 right now. People are making resolutions, they are looking at what they can change, etc. I think it's pretty cool how time is in years. Each year is like a fresh start, a whole new beginning. It is new and exciting and the possibilities always seem endless. It's that time of the year when everyone eats healthy and hits the gym; it's like trying to run in a pile of ants in there. But that dies down. Resolutions start to fade and it just becomes another year. Well a year is a big deal. That's a pretty long amount of time. I would like to look back on 2013. It has been one crazy year. There have been hardships, but most of all, times of joy and peace. I am so grateful for the life that I live.

This year has gone by so fast, but then what year doesn't? Time never stops and I guess that's something I wish that I could control, at least just a little. Let's see - I finished my first year of college and started my second year, I bought a bike, I cut my long hair, I quit my job at Chickfila, I got a new job at Extend Health, Mike gave me a beautiful pearl promise ring, I got promoted, Mike and I celebrated both of our birthdays and our year anniversary in March, Mike received his mission call to Jamaica, I have questioned my religion, I started reading the Book of Mormon, I merged my two blogs together into one, I found out I have some health problems, I started exercising and eating healthy, I said goodbye to my best friend when she left for her mission, I kissed Mike a lot, my friends and I took a trip to St. George, I went on a vacation to Wyoming with Mike's family, I said goodbye to Mike and promised him forever, Mike and I made goals and a bucket list, my friends and I acted like psychos, Madi and I skipped lots of classes, I started doing my own grocery shopping, I became a Target addict, I got my right bunion removed, I got three tattoos, Mike and I fought, I bought lots of workout clothes, I got admitted to start at UVU this coming fall, I bought tons of movies, I shopped, I became closer to my family, I started blogging too much, I started taking more pictures, I tried mushroooms and salmon, I got closer to Mike's family, I like salmon, I bought a Mac, I got a new iPhone, I saved money, I bought a NutriBullet, I fought with my friends, I loved my friends, I cried when Madi got a boyfriend, I got to skype Mike on Christmas, I considered stopping my nail biting, I pinned lots of pins on pinterest, I painted a hope chest, I ate lots of candy, I cried probably more than any other year, I laughed a lot, I saw About Time and loved every second of it, I attended a gazillion farewells, I listened to music, I cut my bangs and then hated them, Madi called me Miranda Sings, and I could go on and on and on.

If you made it through that list, you are nuts. That was definitely a run-on sentence and I hope you were able to breathe! I don't even think I'll go back and read it. It was almost like word vomit was just coming out of my mouth. Well, I guess I wasn't saying it, I was typing it. So, type vomit, finger vomit, whatever! All that really matters is what I've learned. I've learned to be a better friend, sister, and daughter. I've learned how to love someone and let someone love me. I've learned about things that are more important in life. I have created a better relationship with most of my family members. I've learned that I need to not spend so much money on frivolous things (AKA - don't go to Target ten times a week). I have learned that I need to not be so controlling - life isn't always going to go my way. I learned that I need to enjoy RIGHT NOW. I have learned about love and distance and how that works. I have learned to be open-minded.

Now, I can't say that this was a perfect year. I have learned a lot, but I have also struggled a lot. There are some things that I would like to accomplish this year. Here comes another list, not so long this go around - I want to save more rather than spend more, I will get accepted into the teaching program at UVU, I will create a better relationship with each of my siblings, I will not be so selfish, I will eat healthier, I will finish The Book of Mormon, I will do more research on the church, I will continue to love Mike, and I will be a better friend. I am so grateful for my life and I.AM.SO.LUCKY.

What a wonderful year 2013 was. Now, here's to 2014. I want to make this a year to remember!

Twas The Night Before Christmas

Christmas was wonderful this year, as it always is! There was just one thing missing, my sweet Mikey. However, I managed to enjoy it just as I always do. The Peters took me along with them the day after Thanksgiving to Lamb's and to see the lights. It was so fun to be with them and I was so glad that they invited me. It was a great way to start off the season. I did have bunion surgery which made it so I was not able to do everything up to par. But I made some fun for myself! My lovely mother took me shopping with her several times and tried to keep up with me as I buzzed around in the jazzy. Those were some fun times! Madi and Tay also took me to the mall with them and pushed me in my wheel chair. So sweet of them. It was an interesting night. One guy yelled, "You look beautiful in that wheel chair," but then I also got called a gimp. HAHA. 

                   

We had our annual friend Christmas party with the Chapmans and the Dunbars. That is always a fun time. This year, we played a candy bar game which was really entertaining. 

There were so many fun things that happened. One of my favorite things that my family does is our special family night. This year my dad made us a nice dinner and we just read our bears and some other stories. Then, we all exchanged gifts. This was a fun night. I love just spending quality time together. Christmas Eve was a wonderful day. I took work off and my dad worked until 7:30, so I went to see the Peters. We all hung out, made cookies, exchanged gifts, and played Logos (the game I got them for Christmas). They loved the canvas and game that I got them. Also, Erika loved her "E" necklace that I ordered from an Etsy shop. They gave me a cute scarf and a Forever 21 gift card - my fave. I was also pleasantly surprised that they put me on the Christmas card. That was the best present. I was so happy. I love spending time with them. They are like my second family. I also forgot to mention that Mike loved his package from all of us. He opened it early though. What a turd! When I got home, it was time for my family to get the snack plate going. My grandparents and dad arrived and we all enjoyed a lovely night together. We ate, opened PJ's, and watched Joy To The World. When my grandparents left, all of us kids snuggled up together in Ash and Patty's room (a tradition to sleep together). What a wonderful, relaxing night! 

STONEY - my favorite dog in the whole world 

Of course my parents took a decade to "set the mood" in the morning. Patty was the only one patiently waiting by the end, of course. 

Christmas morning always has the same feel to it. I love it. It is not something that I can describe. It's as if the world just pauses for a moment. Everyone is at home, or at least I like to believe that. The world is at peace for the morning. No pictures really, but it was a great day. We opened gifts, watched The Identity Thief, and had our usual breakfast - the cheesiest eggs on the planet and apple puff pancakes. Later, I got ready to talk to the one and only. I went over to the Peter's around five to wait for the call. Mike skyped us and that was definitely the best way to end my Christmas. He was so happy and I loved hearing about everything he has been doing. We talked to him for about an hour. He made sure that I knew he would not have his hair buzzed when he came back home. He didn't want me to worry. Lol. At the end, they let me talk to him alone for about ten minutes. It was so special and he was the same silly boy that I said goodbye to six months ago. Best Christmas present and really all I needed! I am so thankful for his family in taking me in as their own and letting me be a part of it. Some girls aren't so lucky. 

After the call, I went over to my grandparents' for the annual Christison family shindig. It was a great time catching up with everyone. My grandpa had us all sit in a circle and share something that we love about Christmas. That was so special and there were lots of tears in the room. I will cherish that forever. My grandma has been very sick, so before we left, we had Austin and Rawleigh give her a blessing. It was such a spiritual moment. We are all so worried about her. I just love her so much. 

Now, soon after that it was time to ring in the new year. We went over to the Chapman's and had a BLAST. The Dunbar's were also there. We played games, ate snacks and pizza, and watched the ball drop. My favorite was the Ellen game that we played. It is from an app that she made. Gave us some great laughs! I love all of these guys. They even let us all crash there for the night. 

The holidays always seem to come and go in the blink of an eye. It's crazy to me and I always feel a little melancholy towards the end. My favorite thing this year was finding gifts for everyone. I have found a love in giving to all the people that I love. It is so special to me. I guess it gets that way as you get older. The holidays are so special. It gives us time to love each other, cherish each other, think about the birth of our Savior, give gifts, and slow down. I look forward to this time of year every year. I think I'll start my count down now for next Christmas!

Nineteen

It's crazy that month nineteen has come to a close! This has probably been the fastest month by far. Boy, does that make me happy. This month has by far been one of the better months.

I had bunion surgery and have been recovering from that. AND it was the month of Christmas! I love the month of December and it always seems to fly by. Well, I received lots of good pictures, good emails, and the best of all, we got to Skype on Christmas. It was the best Christmas present ever. I will do a separate post on the call. I was happy to spend some time with his family on Christmas Eve and Christmas. They are so loving and I am forever grateful for them. They make me feel like their own. I was so happy to find that they had put me on the family Christmas card. They are the best. Mike is still in Negril and continues to love it there. It is a smaller area. I am so proud of him. He seems like he is doing just great all of the time and his testimony is growing so much. We have been reading the Book of Mormon and that has been so cool for us to be able to read it and discuss it. I love that he is discovering so many things and he is finding what he believes. He is one amazing person and I am so lucky to have him.

I will share the monthly memory. I was thinking back on the week before Mike left and how surreal it seemed. I was in the twilight zone and I was being tossed around in a sea storm. I wanted to do something special for Mike - just the two of us. I had my friends wake up at 3 in the morning and go up to Ensign Peak. They hiked up and set up a spot for us with blankets, pillows, and his gifts. Mike had no idea. All he knew was that I was picking him up around 4. I had him blind folded the whole way there and he was starting to get mad since I was lost and he was getting antsy. He kind of had a clue where we were going, too, so he thought that he didn't need to have the blind fold on. Once I took it off of him, we got out of the car. It was dark and cold. Mike was nervous to hike up in the dark, but we started our journey up! He was freaked out the entire time and thought I was plotting his death. When we got up to the top, it looked like a scene from the Bachelor. I still could kick myself for not taking photos. We sat up there for hours and watched the sunset and talked. It was so peaceful and I know that we needed that time - just the two of us. He opened his gifts from me and I had also written him a letter. By that time, people had started to come up and I wanted to read that when we were alone. After a couple of hours, we headed back down the mountain. This time, we were both more lively! When we got to the car, I read the letter to him. We both cried and it was really hard for me to get through it. But it made it so special. After that we went to our place, Village Inn for breakfast. By that time, we were both exhausted. It was such a special morning and he loved the whole thing even though he was freaked out. I love this memory and I will cherish it forever. 

Well, month nineteen, you've been good. Only 18 more months to go! I can't believe I am 1/4th of the way done already. Seems insane.