The Little Things

Tonight, mike and I were having a lot of troubles. I blame myself for what we have been going through. I have just been feeling sad and overwhelmed with mike's mission being just around the corner. It is creeping up on me so fast and I have not handled it well at all. Alex Homer is home from his mission for medical reasons and I have felt so much jealousy towards him and Jordan, his girlfriend. It has caused things to be bad for me and mike. Lately I have just been an emotional wreck. I get mad or upset about every little thing. Mike feels as though he will never be good enough. There are so many things that we have been fighting about and it is just getting out of hand. I guess I saw what I have done and I guess we pretty much hit rock bottom today. It made me rethink how I have been acting. The fact that mike was even thinking about taking a break hurt me to no end. All I could see was darkness without him. I was scared. I went over to his house and we talked about everything. I cried and we talked. I was hurt at the fact that all of this had been caused by me and the fact that I am never satisfied. I had been stupid. I wasn't being grateful for the wonderful relationship I had. I was just focusing on the fact that mike was leaving and that I didn't want him to. The fact is that he is going and I need to just face it. It really hit me when he asked if he could just be alone for the night and think about things and decide what he wanted to do about this. I didn't want that. I couldn't walk away knowing not what would happen. I could not let the one I love walk away from me. I would never be able to forgive myself.

So, we talked and we prayed. And we decided that everything would be all right. I apologized for my behavior and I told him how much I loved him. I feel like we really got out our feelings and had a good talk. His dad ended up coming in to ask us if we wanted to eat. When he saw me crying he asked if we were okay. That was when mike lost it. Tim even cried a little. He talked to us and he made me feel so much better. This made me feel so close to him. He was so sensitive and understanding towards what we are going through. I am so grateful. I stayed and had dinner with them. It was so nice.

I realize that I just need to be happy with the now. I need to not worry about the future as much as I do. I need to just be happy with where I am at. I need to make mike feel loved and like he has my full support. I don't want him to feel like I don't want him to serve his mission. I want him to feel like I am one of his greatest supports. I know that I can get to this point with him. I just need to change my thinking. I am so lucky and blessed with the people in my life.

St. George: A Dang Good Surprise

Mike had told me that he was not going to be able to come home until school was over. Of course I was really sad about this. I just miss him so much! Then, of course I HAD to find a way to see him before then. I did not want to wait a whole month. It seemed awful to me.

So... I plotted and planned out how I would go with my two friends, Madi and Natalie, to St. George to surprise Mike. We decided that we should go on April 12th and stay two nights. The best part was that he had NO idea. We reserved a hotel room and we had everything figured out. All we had to do was wait for the time to come. I was so excited, to say the least! I could only picture how happy he would be.

Then, the day came. It was April 8th and I was talking to my friends about our planned adventure. Natalie started questioning me saying that maybe Mike was coming down here to surprise ME. Well, I knew there was no way... he had some temple prep. classes to attend every Sunday for the next month and he would not just come down and not have me ask for work off. So, it was not really even possible for him to come. But, of course I started to doubt myself, too. (Now, here's where it becomes bad.) I then texted his sister, Erika, asking if he was planning to come surprise me because I was surprising him. I then checked my phone a few minutes later only to find that I had sent the message to Mike!! MIKE! oh heck. I was dead meat. He then answered me say, "Wrong person :)." I had totally ruined the surprise within a few minutes. We all freaked out and came up with a new solution. That plan worked for a couple days, but then I just came to my conclusion that there was no way around this. I could not fix it. I stopped trying to fix it and just became okay with the fact that I had ruined it. He was excited to know that I was coming though, so that was good.

Also, a plus side to the ruined surprise was that he said we could stay in his aunt's condo. I cancelled the room and we planned on staying there. I was excited to stay there instead!

So, the day came. We decided to leave really early. By really early, I mean 5:00 AM. Holy crap. So Madi and I had a sleep over and then we picked up Natalie. The drive really was not too bad. It went by faster than I thought it would. It was also nice to drive so early because there were less cars out. Madi stayed awake with me the entire time to keep me awake. Natalie, not so much... but it was understandable with her night job and everything. I think she slept for a whole hour before we picked her up.

We finally made it to St. George at about ten. It was great getting there so early. We went to Mike's apartment to pick him up. It was so good to see him. I could have died. It seemed like it had been so long. Really it had only been a few weeks. It was so nice to hug him and just sit next to him. We talked to him and his roommate, Corey for a bit. Then, we left and went to Village Inn for breakfast. It was way fun! It was pretty surreal having Mike with me though. We all got the VIB meals and just caught up. It was wonderful.

After breakfast, we headed to the condo. It was huge! It was three stories and had so many rooms and beds in it. We were all exhausted once we got there, so we all wanted to take a little nap. Mike and I took a really long "nap." It was so great lying next to him and just being alone. We got to talk and kiss and what not. I really loved it. Once we got sick of one bed, we moved to another. That one was so comfortable! I was in love. (With the bed and my boy, too.) Natalie and Madi fell asleep really fast in another room. We ended up waking them up around 3:30 so that we could all get ready. Mike had plans for us to go see a movie. After we got ready, we took Mike to his apartment to shower. Then, Hanna and Heather met us at their apartment to come with us. We saw the movie 42. It was really good. It was about the black baseball player, Jackie Robinson. After that, we all went to Iceberg to have dinner. That was pretty good! We all just talked and Corey was quite the hoot. Most of the time he talked about how he looked like Ryan Gossling and how tornadoes are gentle. LOL. He's a real funny kid. We dropped everyone off at the apartment after that and then we went to the condo. I was kind of starting to have a rough night. It was all dumb. I thought that Mike was staying in the condo with us and then I found out he wasn't. And it's not like it was that that I was upset about. I just started to think about everything and kind of had an emotional breakdown. I won't discuss everything here. It was just everything from Mike always being here at school, not ever having enough time, him leaving on his mission soon, all that stuff. Sometimes, just little things can bring a whole load of emotions on and I am not good at handling it. We talked for a couple of hours. He ended up needing to talk to me about some things, too, that had been causing him pain. It was good for us to get all of our emotions out. We just cried and held each other.

Later, we went down and talked to Madi and Natalie for a while. They were making videos with this helium app. It was pretty funny! We were all cracking up. Then, we all started to make up jokes and Natalie started to be really racist. We all laughed when Mike said, "That movie just made us all so racist." Funny times! It was getting late and I was falling asleep. We went upstairs and lay down. I fell right to sleep. Mike ended up leaving like an hour later and then came back. Um that's a huge mess that I don't want to get into.

The next day was fun! We slept in until noon. When we woke up, we ate and then went out to swim! It was way fun. We had chicken fights and Mike swam like a dolphin. He left to go home and shower and stuff. Then, we got ready and went to Taco Bell. We got food and took it to their apartment.

Later, we made biscuits with marshmallow and chocolate inside. That was fun! Then, we watched a movie. I didn't really pay attention to the movie. I mostly just stared at Mike and all that. It was nice. We also played Racko and made lots and lots of funny videos. Mike's cousins Ciara and Hanna came over with Heather later. They ended up staying the night at the condo. It was good to see them! I guess Ciara called off the wedding with her fiance. It's crazy! So, we went up and watched a movie after talking to them for a while. I fell asleep on Mike. He ended up leaving a little bit later.

Sunday, Mike picked us up and we went to church with him. It was really nice and I loved his ward! It was fun to go to church with him there. After church, we went to the condo and Mike and I got Subway. Also, my favorite part of the day was when Mike and I made out on each bed in the condo. There are quite a lot, too. I take credit for that idea. Then, we all just talked about love and such. It was a good last few hours with Mikey. We got all packed up and cleaned up the condo around 5:30. We packed up the car. Mike and I stood in the house and said goodbye while we could be alone. We couldn't stop kissing and hugging and it was pretty hard. We finally left though. We dropped Mike off and I said goodbye again. Then, we were on our way!

It was such a great weekend and very much needed! We got so much time together and I really can't wait to see him again soon. I love the crap out of that guy.

See ya later, Mikey!

Mission Call

On February 28, 2013, Mike had everyone over to open his mission call. It was such a bitter-sweet night. I had such a weird feeling that was unexplained. I was so anxious and excited for him. At the same time, everything was becoming so real. This was really happening. He was really leaving. His family had a giant map of the world on the wall where everyone guessed where they thought he would be serving. I guess Boston, Massachusetts. I honestly had no idea of where to guess, so this was kind of a wish of where I WANTED him to go. Just somewhere in the states.

I could tell that Mike was really anxious as he waited for everyone to arrive. I watched as he went around from person to person, making sure that he talked to everyone. He had been waiting SO long for this moment and it was finally his. My dad was the last person that we were waiting for. It turned out that he was not going to make it for another twenty minutes so he told us to just go on without him. Mike sat in a chair in his family room and just started ripping it open. Everyone caught on and began to video. I did not know whether to go sit next to him or to stand with everyone else. My mom and friends kept nudging me to go and sit by him so I finally did. As he opened his call and started to read, his voice broke and I started to tear up. This was finally happening. As he read Kingston, Jamaica, I had so many emotions. I was so thrilled yet nervous at the same time. Everyone knows that I had been hoping for a state-side mission. The opposite always happens, of course! He is to arrive at the MTC on July 3, 2013. The mission is English speaking.



Needless to say, it was such an emotional night. Everyone had gone around nine thirty and it was just me and his family with him. We all sat in the family room and talked about what it would be like for him. I was so glad to be there with them. We looked up pictures and read some of the things that he had received with his call.

We both look quite terrible, I know.


They all went to bed later and we just lay on the couch and held each other. It was so nice to be alone. We just talked about how cool it was and how we knew we could get through it. I started crying and I talked to him about how the night had been for me. I told him how I had felt distant from him and shut out. He told me how he was just nervous and he couldn't think about anything else but opening his call. He told me he was sorry that I had felt like that. I guess I just felt so distant from him because he had been talking to everyone else and I just wanted to be with him. We talked about so much and it was so good to finally be back in his arms. (He has been away at school and was just home for the weekend.) I cherish my time with him because it is never long enough.

Anyway, it was a great night and I am glad we talked about our feelings. I think the whole thing was emotional for both of us. So, all I can say now is... Kingston, Jamaica, here he comes! And here's to this journey!

Sincerely, a very lucky girl

What is Love?

What is love? I found myself asking this question several years ago. I never knew. Of course I always dreamed of what it would be, but I never really KNEW. Ya know?

Wellll... times have changed and I think I have it all figured out now. It's the feeling of being your complete self for someone, trusting them with every little thing, being weird with them, talking for endless hours about anything and everything, COMPROMISING, listening, learning, doing new things, and so much more. I really recommend it. It's quite enticing and might I say, lovely.

You see, Mike and I are looking at one year coming up in March. Holy crap, that time flew. It has been the best year. The best. I love him more now than ever. (Well, yeah, of course.) Also, the big "Day of Love" is coming up and I have never experienced it with a significant other before. It has always been that kind of awkward day for me. That day that everyone gets on the social network and posts about loneliness and sadness. I have never really been the type to feel lonely or sad, but the day was just awkward, bar none. Soo, ya know, I don't really know what we will do to celebrate it, but it will be drastically different from other years. That's for sure!

And.. time is flying. Mike is leaving in less than four months to go on his mission. He will be getting his call at the end of February. I am so excited for him, but, gosh am I going to miss him. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was saying he would leave in a year. Now it is creeping up on us ever so sneakily. He is excited, though. I am so happy for him. Today we attended a farewell for two of his close friends, Alex and Jared. Of course, I started thinking about Mike leaving. It was sad to watch Mike say goodbye. I am dreading the day that I have to do so with him. But, I know we can get through this! I am looking forward to writing him while he is on his mission and being able to hear about all of his experiences. It will help me in my life. He will be such an amazing missionary. I am excited to see what the future holds for us.

I know that Mike and I will be together forever. He is what I have been hoping for my whole life. He is patient, kind and caring, very loving, funny, honorable, trustworthy, respectful, strong, sensitive, driven, an example, and best of all, he shares my same desires for life. He truly loves me and that is all that I could ask for. So, it's worth it. This is all worth it. I need to enjoy these last moments with him. They will go by fast. I need to love him and support him no matter what. He is going to need it.

I am so lucky that he walked into my life. I will love and cherish him forever.

Sincerely,

A Very Lucky Girl

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

Welp. LIFE.

That's all I have to say.





 I'm just kidding. There's more. A lot more.

I spent my last couple of weeks with Mike at the beginning of August. We had some great times. We went to seven peaks, went to a wedding, went on dates, ate taquitos, listened to music, talked about our future, walked around temple square, spent time with my bike-wrecked brother at the hospital, argued a little, talked on the phone, watched movies (including my favorite movie, The Notebook), cuddled, kissed, and I did what I do best, smothered him. Lots. It's okay, though, he loves it.

So I guess you could say that we had some fun times our last days together. I enjoyed them, but, I always had "he's leaving" hanging over my head. It was hard to ignore.

The day came, August 16th, and we were on our way to St. George. My family, excluding my dad, and Madi's family, excluding her dad, all went. I guess you could say that it wasn't what I expected. It was a very, very fun trip, just being with my family and friends, don't get me wrong. But, it wasn't the way I wanted to leave Mike. We had some rocky times in our relationship. In the end, we talked about how we were feeling and fought it out so that we didn't have to end on a bad note. The last night I was there, he took me to Chili's, we swam in our hotel pool, and I gave him his present. I made this book for him that was 101 reasons why I love and adore him. I gave that to him and we both cried. It was one great night. I wish the rest of the trip could have been, also. The next day, Sunday, we stopped at his apartment to say goodbye. It was so hard. I cried when I walked away and when I got back to the car, my mom started crying, which made everything worse. I hated leaving him.

While he was away, I worked, went to school, and repeated. I talked to him a ton and we skyped, too. So, not so bad.

So, I guess the hardest part is over... taking him up there. Plus, I have gotten to see him much more than I thought I would. It is usually every two weeks. He came home August 30th and then left September 3rd. We had and AMAZING weekend together. On Thursday we played "catch up" when he got home. It was so great to see him. That night, we just hung out, watched tv, listened to music, and just enjoyed each other's company. Friday, we went and saw The Odd Life of Timothy Green. It was an adorable movie, to say the least. Very sad, however. I would definitely recommend it, though. After the movie, we spent the rest of the night at my house. I made us burnt grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches. He played some video games with Davis. Saturday, I went to the Bee's game with his family. It ended up getting rained out, so we went and saw Possession instead. Very good, but, very scary! Sunday, I did not see him because he had a party and was seeing a good friend. Then, Monday, I went to Snowbird with his family. It was for the Oktober Fest. I really enjoyed being with them. They are such fun people to be around. But, then came the dreaded good bye as he took me home after Snowbird. It was hard, even harder than the last time. Tears were shed, and he was on his way back to St. George.

Welp, another two weeks passed and it was time to go to St. George. Tay, Madi, Natalie, and I all went together. It was the epitome of an amazing weekend. I seriously think it was the best I have ever had. Mike and I got to spend literally every second together. I was so glad that Austin and Isaac joined us, also. We climbed up dixie rock, ate at Taco Bell, window shopped, swam in Taylor's aunt's pool, had sleepovers (so fun, but unusual with the guys), visited Tay's grandma (so cute), watched some sports games, got smoothies, and Mike and I enjoyed dinner at Chili's (our only alone time, really). What a blast it was! This weekend will be one to remember forever.

 

Anyway, I am so thankful for my friends. They have helped me so much while Mike has been away. They give me lots of fun times and make me so happy. I love them so much and I don't know what I would do without them.

And, we were off again. Yet another, awful, dreaded goodbye. But, I just have to wait for the next visit. He is coming down next weekend. YAY.

You know what they say... "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." It is true! I am closer to Mike than I have ever been, even though we are so far away from one another. We are making it work.

I love the crap out of him.

Sincerely, a very, very, lucky girl. <3

Oh, The Joys of Life

Well I have been feeling very... weird, lately.

It's sort of like postpartum depression... but, I didn't just give birth to a child, and I am not depressed. I feel like that towards graduating and just starting college.

I guess adulthood has really started to set in and take a toll on me.

The most exciting part of my day is deciding what shows to catch up on, after, and only after, my other priorities have been shown some care.

School and work, sleep, repeat. It is an ongoing process that can leave one feeling very lackadaisical and bored.

On top of everything, Mike is gone. I miss him like crazy!

Wellll... farewell for now.

Next time, I promise I will have a more optimistic look on life.
That's all for now folks. :)

A Blog is a Girl's Best Friend

I haven't written on this thing for so long. I could go on and on to say that I have been very busy, but, there is no excuse.

This blog deserves a little more attention than I have been giving to it.

Seriously though, life has been so busy. However, busy in a good way. I have been adoring life.

I guess that's a good way to put it.

Welp, tonight I think I may be coming down with a slight case of insomnia, so, I am deciding to give my blog some much-needed attention.

Let's do some catching up here...


First off,

I feel very blessed with all that has come into my life at this time. The other day at church I was called to be a primary teacher, now that I am old enough. This was the perfect opportunity for me. I absolutely love working with kids. I was ecstatic.

I guess you could say that I have been struggling spiritually lately. I just feel distant. I have been trying to do better, which, is working very well for me, surprisingly. Mike and I decided to read the Book of Mormon together and that has brought me so much closer to my Savior the past ten days. We don't always get to read together, but we stay in the same place for each night. It has worked very well.

I know that this new calling that I have been given is going to help me so much. It will enable my testimony of this gospel to grow more, while I am doing what I love. I can hardly wait.

I knew that something was missing in my life. I think I have regained that missing piece, finally.


Second off,

I met Mike. You may think this name looks familiar. That's because I have written about him before. So much has happened since those last blogs, though. Our relationship has grown so immensely. I am so grateful and lucky to have him in my life. I love him.

So, yes, a lot of my time has been spent with this Mike guy. But, every second I spend with him is worth it. He makes me the happiest person in the world. We complete each other, and that's all I can ask for, is someone that will better me as a person. He does just that, and I hope that I do the same for him.

I have approximately twenty-four days left with the person that I absolutely adore, and I HAVE to make every second count. He is attending Dixie State for college and I am attending Salt Lake Community College. Without him, it will be hard, don't get me wrong. But, it will be worth it. Our relationship will be tested and I am sure my love for him will grow even more. Also, it will better prepare me for when he leaves on his two-year mission next year.

I can honestly and whole-heartily say that I hope to spend the rest of my life with this man. To me, he is perfect. He is everything I ever wanted.



Third off,

I have been having a fantastic summer! Which, gives for little blog time. Or, maybe it's the fact that I am a lazy, graduated, high school student, enjoying these last few childhood moments. Who knows! Although a good amount of my time is spent at the ol' chicken house, I have been able to have some fun. My dear friend, Madi, brings me lots of joy. We have even developed our own language that has clearly been adapted to by several of our loved ones. You guys can all thank us later, for creating the language. Madi, me yoves you yots. We have had many fun adventures together this summer and I am proud to say that we will still be joined at the hip for college, too. Yes, we have three classes together. Crazy, I know. But, we can't be separated. It will be an adventure! But, no I am not ready for real life and the college world to set in. My other best friend, Natalie has been working up at Bear Lake a good portion of the summer. I have not seen her much at all, which saddens my heart. But, she found this guy. I think he makes her really happy. She will be home soon, though. YAY! We can reunite. She, too, is going to SLCC with her two best buddies.
 


Fourth off,

Fourth off, I have been trying to give my family some attention. I know they probably feel like they are pushed to the back-burner sometimes, but I have been trying harder during the summer to do more things with them. It is just difficult for me to be around a lot during the school year. It is highly important to me that I find a good balance. This summer has been perfect. We have gone swimming, hiking to the hot springs, hiking to a lake, girls' day out, etc. I have enjoyed every second. I love them and am grateful for each one of them and all that they do for me.

So, yes, blog, I guess you could say that I have found a new love (you used to be mine) and I have been extremely busy, or maybe just having a lot of fun. This summer, although not over yet, will definitely be one to remember. I just know it.