On R E A L I Z I N G

So I think I really realized something last night. It's really interesting when you take a step back from a situation - you can have a completely different perspective. Back when Mike and I only had a couple months left, marriage was a topic of conversation and it was also something that we did not agree on. I was (and still am) just so excited and it was something I thought about a lot. Mike, however felt like we should prepare more. We both knew that we would marry each other, we just could not agree on the when part. I wanted it sooner, he thought we should wait. And at the time, I really had a problem with it. I was often times offended by it, feeling like he just didn't want to marry me and he wasn't sure about me. But that wasn't it at all because when I would tell him I was feeling that way he would get so upset that I was doubting his love for me. He would tell me it's nothing against me, but I was stubborn. It's just how I am.

It took me until last night to go all the way back to two months before he left in our messages. I read through our arguments, our good times, and everything else. That is when I realized that I had completely misunderstood him the entire time. I was being selfish.

So, today Mike and I got to email back and forth for about forty minutes. That was so wonderful and much needed. I apologized about how I had acted in the past and he told me not to worry because he was a child back then. He expressed that he is still scared to get married, just because you're growing up, you have to worry about bills and making your own living - all the grownup stuff. He told me that he is so excited for us to get married, just scared for all of those grownup things. It was so reassuring to me, so calming. I never really understood him until today. And now that I do, I feel like a weight is lifted off of my shoulders.

I let him know that we don't have to get married right away when he returns. I honestly think we should finish our schooling first. It would only be two years. After all, we would be together and that's all that matters. There is no rush. But I just made sure he knew how sorry I was for misunderstanding, for not taking the time to listen.

And someday soon, we'll get married and we will start our own little adventure, just the two of us - M & K.

I love him. And you know, I really love this journey we are on. It's beautiful, refreshing, and just such a learning experience. We will both be better for it.

And plus, he's hilarious, he lets me laugh at him, cry with him, AND he gives me his desserts (cause he doesn't like them). I love what he said at the end of his email today. "I love everything about you. Your attitude towards life, your shortness, your desires, your smile, your humor, etc. I didn't just put etc. because I ran out of things to say. By the way does any one know how to spell etc.? I think I can do it. Et cetera. I did it! A latin expression meaning "and other things."